Damage Control

I used to be the best. I was the top of every class, I knew all the answers, and I rarely made a mistake. I was the one people went to for help with their homework. But that was years ago.
Now, things are different. Life is different. I'm not on top anymore, I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm that kid who would know all the answers if she put in the work. Unfortunately, the mountain of work that many high school juniors, especially AP students, suffer from prevents me from putting in as much work as I should.
In some ways, I've made some mistakes. I've put some subjects on the back burner in order to make room for others. The subjects that have fallen through the cracks are the ones that are perceived as easier, or ones that are easy to master. In that respect, I've made mistakes. But the extra time I've gained by putting these subjects on the back burners has been used wisely. I've used it to build up my resume by leading projects and preparing for a state competition. I've also used it to make sure that I am mentally capable of facing the world.
Charles J. Sykes once said that "The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself." Well, that's great for the rest of the world, but I'm not there yet. My real world begins when I am no longer dependent on my parents' money to survive. It's the same for every high school student, and every high school student goes through some sort of crisis in that in the end will prepare them to handle the real world. How they choose to handle it in turn defines who they are. I regret the way I chose to handle mine, and I'm sad to say that it's not over. But, now it's time to suck it up and try to pick up the pieces. I make no apologies for taking time to repair what was broken, just for slacking off along the way.
I used to be the best, but that person is now a ghost. I work much harder than I ever needed to, but it's still not enough. However, I'm trying to do the best I can with what I have left, which gets better every day.
No one should feel like they have to be the best every single day. No one should feel like everything will fall through the cracks if they're not at their best every single day. We live, we hurt, we get hurt, but at the end of the day, we're still here. We move on, and the less damage there is, the easier it is to move past everything and come out in an even better place than where we started.